by OneMoreBite | Mar 23, 2004 | Cravings
Not three other things to make the feeling go away, but that exact food. If you cannot have that exact food, then catalog it for later, and have something similar. For instance, if you want something crunchy and salty, is it the salt or the crunch, or both? Think about it. Would crunchy vegetables give you the same “mouth feel” or does it need to be salty? If what you want isn’t readily available, can you go get some?
If you expect to only want what is “good for you” you’re setting yourself up to fail. You’ll obviously want other things. Just today I wanted nuts, badly. So I ate nuts, lots of nuts. Handfuls of nuts. Far more than I’d normally eat if I were in my natural state but this was a craving, and sometimes a craving needs to be satisfied. So I visited the nut jar several times during the day.
So how do I feel now? Great. Satisfied. Excellent. I ate the nuts, I’m happy. Nuts to you. Give it a go and let me know what happens.
by OneMoreBite | Mar 15, 2004 | EFT Weight Loss
Those little habits and patterns are persistent buggers and unless you keep at it, even though you think they are gone, they may come back like the zombies in “Night of the Living Dead.” Hundreds of them holding your favorite foods in their outstretched hands, begging you to eat me, eat me!
Ah, but there is something you can do to zap the zombies: just be persistent. Whenever you are making a habit change the struggle isn’t so much between good and evil as between comfort and discomfort. At first, change, no matter how small, creates discomfort. Try putting on your pants the other leg first today – you’ll see what I mean.
Try eating with the wrong hand, or driving a new route to work. It takes real effort to jump off our usual path, and even if you tried to drive a new route, day after day, one day while off in a daydream, you’d take the old, familiar route without even realizing it, until suddenly, “Oh, my gosh, how did I get here?” LOL
I think a disciplined approach to EFT and NLP can be helpful. By that I mean nothing more stringent than each morning when you first arise, a quick round of EFT on any issues from the day before that might have bothered you, just to shake off any lingering “stuff” so you can tackle the new day fresh. “Even though I didn’t like the way that clerk looked at me, I deeply and completely accept myself.”
Then again in the evening, while getting in bed, or even while brushing your teeth, a quick round on anything that happened that day that might have been bothersome, “Even though I got angry in traffic today, I deeply and completely accept myself.”
I think the EFT is very helpful on those little daily stressors – the annoyances, the “stuff” that builds up and causes us to want to stuff down the bad feelings with food or alcohol as the case may be. When you use it on everything, even the seemingly insignificant things, it will handle those issues that most matter.
So much of our issues are beneath the surface, and rather than spending a decade in therapy, why not just start tapping away the trouble, one bite at a time
by OneMoreBite | Mar 11, 2004 | NLP Weight Loss
Next week Saturday comes along and someone invited you camping so you’re in the woods, thinking, “Oh, well, can’t wash the car from here, can I?”
Next week, you’ve forgotten all about your car washing plan, so even though you’re not busy you’re thinking, “I don’t really FEEL like washing the car right now. I’ll do it later,” and so it goes.
“Life is what happens while you’re busy making other plans.” — John Lennon
I’ve seen it happen in my own life, time and again, as soon as I make a plan, something foils it. I join the gym, and get the flu. My car breaks down the first night of a new class. When the ground is dry it doesn’t rain, and as soon as you wash the car, it does. This isn’t meant to set us up with a pessimistic outlook but just to point out why persistence in the face of obstacles is what separates the haves from the have nots.
It’s not what happens but what you DO with what happens that matters.
The best approach is one-day-at-a-time, or even lesser intervals depending on what it is. With smoking for instance, it can be one half-hour at a time, and with food or eating, it can be one meal at a time, one hunger at a time, or whatever works for you.
For me, if I say I won’t do something anymore, it never lasts, but if I wake up in the morning and decide for that day, and only that day, that I will do something or follow through with something, then it does happen. There’s a real rush of accomplishment when you wake up and realize that yesterday you did follow-through. You accomplished what you set out to do. And that’s when it’s easy to decide your intention for that day (or that hour).
Let the success build, and let the lapses pass. It takes practice to get proficient, so just plan to keep at it. Small lapses aren’t failures, they are only lapses, and you then decided for the next time period. You will find that you are following through more often than not, as time goes by. Doing this allows you to pre-plan when you know you’ll not stick to your eating plan, and thus, makes it okay. When you give yourself permission it’s amazing how much less you’ll feel like overdoing it.
What about when you decide and something comes up unexpectedly? For instance, you decided you’re going to work out on Monday, Wednesday and Friday’s after work at 6:00 PM. This works great on Monday and Wednesday but Friday someone asks you to join them after work for a beer or dinner. Maybe that cute co-worker you’ve had your eye on.
What do you do? Do you say, “No, thanks, I have to work out,” and risk never getting to know that person, or “No, I already have plans,” and sound like a jerk, or “Maybe some other time,” and you know there’ll never be another time, or “Yes, that sounds great,” and then you berate yourself for being a wimp and not following through with your workout plan. Either way you’re not going to feel good about your decision, are you? You’re setting yourself up to fail.
A better plan: First, before you decide what you want to do, think it through completely. This is part of the “Creating a Compelling Outcome” process (taught in my 8-week course and used in private sessions as well). When you decide what you’d like to do you must also consider everything else that will be affected, and whether your plan is workable in the real world.
If you thought about it before-hand you may have realized that things would often come up Friday evenings, so you decided to work out on Monday and Wednesday evenings and Saturday mornings, or some other schedule. Thinking about what might interfere is why many people do their working out in the early morning hours. Working out in the morning virtually ensures nothing else will come up. No one invites you out for 6:00 AM except maybe your running partner!
If you want to get up early, think it through. Are you a night person? Early morning hours probably won’t work for you, but some other time will. Do you have a spouse who’d complain loudly? Consider them as well, but don’t let others wishes keep you from following through, just consider others, and any objections they may have. Then you can figure out in advance how you could counter those objections. It’s basically a way to look at your plans from all the angles, figure out the danger zones, decide in advance on strategies to keep you on track.
Secondly, once in awhile you won’t be able to keep to your plan. That’s okay. Holidays interfere with gym hours. I’ve been annoyed when the gym was closed on Christmas Day!
If you’re making changes in your eating habits, do the same thing. I’ve done this successfully with many eating habits such as my old “Once a week burgers and fries habit” which is now down to seldom or a couple of times a year. I did this by taking my four times a month burgers and fries habit and cutting it first back to three times a month. Then twice a month, then it was easy enough to just stop. Once I broke the regular cycle, it was easy.
I never did go to once a month. Even if you associate your eating with your best times, you can still make changes successfully when you realize that not everybody’s life revolves around food – many things do, special occasions, etc., but not everything.
Basic Steps for Creating a Compelling Outcome:
1. Decide what you want
2. What else will happen if you achieve this?
3. Will anyone else be affected?
4. What resources do you already have that will help you achieve this, i.e. time, equipment, money, support?
5. Do you need any other resources to achieve this such as money, time, etc?
6. Is achieving this within your ability and control?
7. Will anyone else object?
8. What is the first step toward achieving this now?
These are basically the types of questions to ask yourself. Choose an outcome, go through the above questions and if you find you cannot answer them to your satisfaction, go back and change the outcome, then go through the questions again. Do this as many times as is necessary until you’ve found an outcome you know you can achieve, and then you will achieve it.
Remember too, you’re not setting up a perfectionist situation, but a plan you can live with and work with. Choose one small thing to change, one habit, one event. Achieving small wins daily builds to enormous successes, and life goes on. Enjoy every moment of it.
Then, when those special situations arise, you’ll know what to do, because you’ve already planned ahead, and even if you abandon your plan, for a vacation perhaps, you just get right back on track when you return feeling refreshed and excited to get started again. Relaxing like this on a vacation many find they eat a lot, play a lot and any weight they gain is lost within days of their return.
My ideas are meant to help you generate some of your own. More ideas to come. Keep those cards and letters coming too! I love your input.
by OneMoreBite | Mar 3, 2004 | Junk Food
The Super Size phenomena was sheer marketing brilliance. Who wouldn’t take the larger size for mere pennies more? I did. It seemed almost foolish not to, yet the additional cost to our wallets, and the additional size added to our hips and waistlines never entered the decision process. Until now. Now, we’re starting to notice.
McDonalds claims that the move Super Size Me is about, “Spurlock’s decision to act irresponsibly by eating 5,000 calories a day.” Excuse me, but nearly everyone eats 5,000 calories a day. You may not think you do, but if you eat at restaurants or fast food places, add it to what else you eat that day and you’re likely easily eating 5,000 calories a day. It’s not hard to do.
Don’t believe me? Track your food intake for a month and see. At first you’ll be careful to eat quality foods, because you’re writing it down and all, but soon you’ll drift back into your usual eating habits, and if you can maintain the discipline to write it down, then you’ll be shocked by how much you really eat – I can almost guarantee it. The opposite side to that coin are those who barely eat anything, trying to stay under 1500 calories, yet cannot seem to lose weight. They’ve upset their metabolism to the point that their body is hanging on ferociously to every ounce of fat, despite the low calorie intake, or because of it, depending on how you look at it.
Check my Software, Tools & Gadgets page for software for tracking calories, if you dare! I use a simple program called Food & Exercise Diary for Windows. Any tool works, including a small notebook, if you just do it. Write it down.
It’s a proven fact – if you feed yourself a healthy balance of foods, including protein, carbs and fats, get decent rest, and sprinkle in some physical activity (dance, breath, move), then your body will melt into it’s natural size. And yes, it could take a year to get your body to that healthy weight if you’ve got 50 or more pounds to lose. So what? Get over wishing you were already there and take the first step on the journey to getting there. Take it one day at a time, one bite at a time. If you lost five pounds, but never regained it, wouldn’t that be a good thing? Take it five pounds at a time.
You’ll also find that most who starve themselves all day, tend to stuff themselves all night, and it balances out to that 5,000 calories a day I mentioned above. If you don’t believe me, find out for yourself. Write down what you eat for the next 30 days – I challenge you.
So let’s give thanks for the wisdom of McDonalds to phase out Super Size. Just say yes to quality foods at decent prices – and speaking of decent prices, what’s up with all our jobs moving overseas yet we aren’t seeing any price cutting in relation to the enormous corporate price savings? In fact, we keep hearing about more jobs being cut. Since tax benefits are meant to reward corporations for creating jobs, I’d say it’s time to phase out those benefits if the work is being taken elsewhere. What do you say? Are American’s corporations greedy? Are they killing our economy? You decide and remember it’s an election year. Time to be heard – get involved – start with a plan for increased health this year.
by OneMoreBite | Mar 2, 2004 | EFT Weight Loss
The other day I had a sudden memory when a wave of upset, fear, dread, all the feelings associated with that long ago event came up. I found myself suddenly sitting with a rapidly beating heart and a heaviness that hadn’t been there only a moment before. I felt quite upset, ready to break into tears, so I quickly started tapping on the PR (psychological reversal) point – the karate chop area of my hand, and said, “Even though this memory still upsets me, I deeply and completely accept and forgive myself.” I just kept saying it, as I was in a public place and didn’t want to suddenly break down in tears. I then did the regular sequence, around the face and body, repeating, “This memory,” over and over, and saying, “I’m okay, it’s okay.”
It stemmed from a time long ago when I’d unexpectedly been late and I hadn’t called my little boy who was home alone. Not thinking of how upset he’d be, I’d just had some fun with friends and came home about three hours late. To a 9-year old that’s trauma, and when I arrived home to a tear stained face with a concerned neighbor, well writing about it now still brings up upset, so excuse me while I go do another round of tapping…
Just now, as writing this, I noticed the feeling of tears rising in my eyes, which told me, I wasn’t finished with this issue. The other day I felt like I was done with it. This just shows how some persistence is necessary. If you thought an issue was resolved, but find yourself becoming upset over it again, just do some more EFT. Until you reach a point where you can have a memory with no physiological response, no tears, no heavy breathing, no tension, no response at all physically — until you reach that point, just continue doing more EFT. Eventually you will reach the point where you can think of the memory, even talk about it, but without the familiar “bad feelings.” When you reach that point you’ve released the emotional attachment. That pathway has been broken.
I continued with “Even though that memory still upsets me, I deeply and completely accept myself,” and as I tap I tend to just talk to myself so I was saying, “I didn’t want to upset him,” “I never thought,” and “I want to be a good mother.” It’s more the memory of a baby’s sad face that upsets me – I can hardly watch a movie without crying my eyes out if they show a sad child; I have such strong empathy for children.
Anyway, I’m better now. The anxiety is gone. I feel fine. That’s the beauty of EFT, and if you are using it for weight loss, be sure to use it for every stressful event that arises whether it be in the moment, or a memory. Especially use it on the memories that still bother you from the time you were shoved down in the playground and the other kids laughed because you cried, till the time your mother forget to pick you up and you thought you’d been abandoned (this happened to me, perhaps that’s why I felt so awful doing it to my own son). These events color our present world and have a very large influence on what we do and don’t do to nurture ourselves. Whether you think they are related isn’t important – just use EFT on the stresses in your life and you’ll find pounds melting away.
You’ll find instructions for using EFT for weight loss here, and additional resources here.
by OneMoreBite | Feb 26, 2004 | EFT Weight Loss
With so much attention being put on change – changing our shapes, our minds, our political views, have you ever stopped to think, “Who am I, without my weight issue?” If you didn’t have this “thing,” this constant complaint, or excuse to complain, who would you be? What would you do instead? What would you focus on, instead?
A safe place to start is with EFT on the idea of not wanting to lose a part of ourselves that we’ve become so attached to that we’d feel lost without it. You may feel as if you wouldn’t be you anymore. This is common in folks who say, “I just can’t see myself at a smaller weight,” or, “I can’t imagine losing the weight and keeping it off.”
All that’s happening is your brain (ever helpful) is trying to comfort you – those constant mental reminders that you can’t or shouldn’t or won’t are your way of comforting yourself that you’ll be all right. Saying, “I can’t picture myself at a small size,” is comforting to your psyche, the part of you that wants you to simply stay where you are is then very happy. The part that wants you to lose some size for health reasons isn’t happy at all – that’s where you get the conflicting voice that says, “But I have to lose some weight or …”
A treasure can be found in a beautifully wrapped package with ribbons and bows, or in a burlap sack thrown by the road. You never know what’s inside until you look. That’s how it is with people. We’re all different sizes and shapes, but it’s what’s inside that matters. That’s where you’ll find you. Nurture that you, and your outer package will reflect what’s inside. I’ve always been drawn to the “ugly” kittens, the homely dolls. This may have started when my mother campaigned to convince me that I wanted a Chatty Cathy doll when I was about
I loved that doll, and I’ve loved the offbeat ever since because to me, that’s where the real gems are found. When you next look in a mirror, don’t focus on what’s wrong, or what you don’t like, look for something you do like. Look into your eyes – they are the window to your soul – find a favorite freckle.
How to Remember the EFT Steps
Remember the setup is simply saying the full “Even though” statement while tapping the karate chop point (sometimes called the PR point), and then start the round of EFT on the inner eyebrow point using the shorten reminder statement. It’s okay if you want to continue saying the longer phrasing – do whatever feels right to you.
EFT Ideas for the “Who Am I Going to Be” (aspects of change):
“Even though I don’t know what I’d do if I didn’t have this weight to complain about, I deeply and completely accept myself anyway.”
“Even though I can’t see myself at my goal weight, I deeply and completely accept myself.”
“Even though I don’t know who I would be if I changed, I deeply and completely accept myself.”
“Even though the idea of really changing terrifies me, I deeply and completely accept myself.”
“Even though I gain back the weight every time I lose it, I deeply and completely accept that part of myself now.”
Gaining what you have lost can be a way of trying to get back to the familiar. Addressing the idea of who you would be, who you could become can help change that pattern for good. This can go many directions – try it on for size. Let me know if you have questions, ideas, suggestions. All feedback is appreciated. 😉
by OneMoreBite | Feb 22, 2004 | Diet Plans
The ranking at Google.com for top searches in January 2004 shows the South Beach Diet is now the No. 1 top searched weight loss program with Weight Watchers coming in second and the Atkins Diet third. Since the South Beach diet is simply a modified Atkins Diet but less restrictive, this isn’t surprising. Both diets are based on the principal that reducing carbohydrates and increasing protein will help you lose weight, and it is true. Reducing carbs is the easiest and quickest way to reduce water weight. In fact, if you need to lose a quick five pounds to get into a party dress, I can’t think of anything short of fasting that would do the trick better than a week of very low carbs.
With either plan, for the greatest weight loss success, the key is the quality of carbs you eat. The following are some ideas for better success with the South Beach or Atkins Diets:
1. Reduce or eliminate fast food – that’s right, all fast food. It is simply not a healthy choice to order a McDonalds or Burger King without the bun. If you want a burger, make one at home – far more healthy, and you’ll save an enormous amount of money to buy the new clothes you’re going to need because you’re losing so much weight!
2. Reduce or eliminate soft drinks. Whether using sugar or artificial sweeteners, by drinking sweetened drinks you are keeping your desire for sugary foods alive. This includes fruit juice. Eat a fresh whole orange instead of orange juice, or a fresh, crisp apple instead of apple juice. Consider who long it takes to down a small glass of juice compared to how long and how enjoyable it is eating a juicy apple? Wean yourself off if necessary, cut back to one less a day than you now have.
3. Question the wisdom of adding so called “low carb” foods back into your eating plan. If you are following a low carb diet and now you think you can add back some carbs by getting the low carb brands, think again. You’ll gain weight as soon as you add carbs (water), any carbs, and you will be getting an unhealthy food in the bargain. Eat whole foods – whole baked potatoes, fresh carrots, salads, vegetable soups, bean dishes. Eat the real thing! Stay away from the modified versions whether low fat, low carb, or low anything.
Think about it. If you want to lose weight and stay reduced, there are a few things that will need to happen. 1) your diet must include healthier foods in greater quantity than unhealthy foods. I’m not talking “good” or “bad” foods. Any food is fine, in moderation. The trick is moderation – I love cake but I don’t eat it every day. I love all kinds of sweets but I don’t eat them every day. If I did I’d gain weight – it’s that simple. My choice is to stay a smaller size by eating them when I want, but that is infrequently because I want more to maintain my size.
So, by eating pancakes, what’s that do for me? It makes me want syrup, and maybe something sweet later that day too. It sets me up for craving sugary sweet foods. Not what I really want right now, is it? Later, when you’ve reached your goal, staying at goal is the most important thing, and it becomes important enough that a breakfast of pancakes is not going to derail you.
What about bread? Wouldn’t I be better off eating the low carb bread? No. Choose a healthy, whole grain bread. The low carb brands are not whole grain, they are white flour, with added corn starch then artificial sweeteners added. Then they reduce the size of the loaf, and slice the pieces teeny tiny, and claim, “Only 4 Net Carbs per Slice” or something equally ridiculous. Check the loaf. Is a sandwich made with two 4-year old sized pieces of bread going to satisfy you or is it going to make you want another sandwich? Eat the real thing, and you’ll feel satisfied from having eaten an adult sized sandwich, and you won’t feel deprived or crave for more.
4. Think high food quality for the money spent. Is your food dollar being spent wisely when you buy a tiny loaf of bread with Barbie Doll sized slices? No. Is your food dollar being wisely spent by Jello that brags of their low net carbs yet they’ve taken a package that used to serve four according to them (who can’t eat all four servings?) and now it suddenly serves six! Yes, they did add a little Cool Whip to stretch the recipe. I don’t know about you but I’m not satisfied eating two ounces of Jello. I want real food!
Just because the package says a low number of “net carbs” read the label. See the serving size and then calculate how much you will really eat. Then, stand back and count to ten while asking yourself, “Is this a good value for my food dollar?” Most likely the answer will be no, then start slowly moving away from the low carb aisle and get yourself down to the fresh produce. You’ll be safer down there.
If you want to follow a low carb lifestyle, you’ll want to learn to eat less of the white bread, crackers, chips, and packaged cookies, not simply switch to the low carb brands. Incorporate any of these suggestions, even just a little and you’ll get a better result from your efforts at slimming down or reducing your body weight. Small changes add up to big results.
by OneMoreBite | Feb 19, 2004 | Food Safety
The Portland Oregonian ran a piece February 16th, 2004 about beef and why it would be impossible for them to ever guarantee the nation’s beef completely safe from Mad Cow. Why’d they write this piece? I imagine they first figured hardly anyone would read it; as it was technical and boring, and secondly, by simply stating this up front they’ve managed to remove themselves from liability. Once a company goes on record as stating their products could be potentially harmful, you cannot go back later and sue them (at least that is the theory — it didn’t work out so well for Big Tobacco).
The AP is reporting this morning that a House committee is challenging the Agricultural Department’s view that the first cow found with Mad Cow in the US was a downer. This is hugely significant because at present only downer cows are tested.
Three witnesses at the Washington state plant where the cow was slaughtered have gone on record stating the cow was not a downer; it was acting crazy and was shot so as not to injure the other cows. Consider that for a moment: This cow would not have been tested had it not suddenly gone a little “crazy” and this was while already on its way to slaughter.
Mad Cow is named for the symptoms of cows acting a little loony–but this was before the cow was a downers (cows too sick to walk or stand are called downers). The policy of only testing downers is obviously flawed, yet will the Agricultural Department risk discovering that our meat supply is a contaminated mess? I seriously doubt it. Stay tuned…
by OneMoreBite | Feb 18, 2004 | Exercise
If we can’t see something happening, we aren’t happy. That’s why people are so enchanted with watching their weight drop on the scale. That they can say, “Look, Martha, I dropped five pounds!”
Even when they start to feel better, notice their pants getting looser, they still run to the scale for validation that what they are doing is working, and sometimes, despite the obvious fact that their body shape is changing for the better, a lack of reduction on the scale will cause them to quit in despair. This usually within a week or two. LOL
That’s funny because people who get in shape and stay in shape are in it for the long haul. They find activities they like, running, biking, swimming, hiking, whatever, and if they choose they do weight lifting. I personally love weight lifting. Nothing but weights has ever made a significant change to my appearance. I can do aerobics until I’m blue in the face but my body doesn’t change, but give me a set of dumbbells, and look out!
If you are getting started or thinking about getting started on a weight lifting program for weight loss, remember, it takes at least six weeks of steady, consistent work before you can expect to see a result – some people will see a difference much sooner, some will not, but give it six weeks before you start crying that you aren’t seeing any difference. Most likely you’ll notice your clothes fitting better, your watch or rings getting looser, you may even see a loss in your face or hands. Weight comes off from all over, not just the places we might prefer.
I just started using our new DDR (Dance, Dance, Revolution) game and I love it. I’m a bit of a klutz though and I discovered I have lousy timing. It’s fun though, and what I noticed right away was I kept saying, “Okay, I’m going to quit, just one more time,” and then I’d do one more time, and I’d say, “Okay, just one more,” and over and over I did this. I didn’t really want to stop I just had other things I needed to do. It’s addictive in that you’ll want to get better. Plus, it’s hard work. I can feel it in my muscles today.
If you have kids, tell them about DDR – There is no better game for teaching a motor skill and getting movement at the same time.
I’ve only used the game twice but I was already checking to see whether I can notice a difference in the mirror. Not yet, but soon…
So no matter what you are doing for fun or exercise, give it time to do the trick. Consistency is the key – do it regularly and you’ll soon see a difference.
by OneMoreBite | Feb 16, 2004 | Change
Making a Change when Others Don’t Want you To
In NLP there is a process called “Creating a Compelling Outcome.” Your outcome is what you really want, but knowing what you want is only a small part. Finding a way to achieve it, and whether it is even possible to ache comes first. When you decide to make a change consider everything that will be affected by your decision to change as well. This is how you can uncover hidden aspects that may have derailed your plans in the past, and make adjustments to take care of them before they become problems in the future. Your family members for instance. Who hasn’t tried to diet only to have their spouse surprise them an invitation to dinner at their favorite restaurant? Who hasn’t decided to stop eating snacks only to find their kids got bags of chips and dig for Friday night?
When you decide to make a change it’s as if the whole world suddenly conspires against you. If you really WANT to make a change, whether it be in your eating habits, exercise, work, play, or any habit at all, first stop and check whether this change will work for you and those around you.
1. Put yourself first. If you stopped to consider others before you took any action, you’d likely never do anything. No one wants anything to change in their lives. If you asked how they’d feel about your plans to make a change, they’d likely say, “No. I can’t go without pizza, I’ll starve.” Your husband may make a face when you mention eating less fatty foods and more vegetables. Your parents express surprise and alarm that you might do something unhealthy. “We’re only looking out for what’s best for you, honey” they’ll say while handing you a plate full of cookies. Sure they are.
By family dynamic I mean the world around you. Who you live with, who you work with, everyone you interact with is affected when you change. That’s why friends and family who at first are so helpful and supportive may start to snarl and growl when you ask, “What kind of food will be at the party?” Your change is forcing change in them as well.
Even when a bad marriage ends, it’s still difficult to say goodbye. Change interrupts our easy existence – it requires thought and effort. But look at the end result. A healthier body, a shapelier body. Less effort to walk the steps, more energy, enthusiasm and exuberance for everything you do. There are so many reasons to get started making a change, it’s just a small matter to deal with those around you.
2. Your Family Means You No Harm, Really. Understand, even though your family may fight your efforts to change, they do mean you well. They are just doing what comes naturally when the boats is rocked, i.e. they try to stabilize it. They try to get you to go “back to normal.” They want things to stay the same – after all, it’s working just fine, right? Even if there is trouble, it’s easier to stay the same.
3. Consider the Obstacles. Think through your plans to change and face obstacles head-on before they occur. For instance, you’ve decided you want to get up an hour earlier and exercise. This seems like a great idea, so now you imagine your usual morning routine and how it will change.
Example: You usually get up at 7:00 AM but not you’ve decided to get up at 6:00 AM. That means your alarm will go off earlier, interrupting the blissful sleep of your adoring partner. Are they happy about this? Probably not. No one likes their sleep interrupted, so what do you do? Do you just say, “Oh, okay, I won’t get up earlier after all. I don’t want to disturb you in your perfect life. I’ll just crawl back into my hole and wait until you die and then …” No, it’s not necessary to go quite that far. Instead think about what you want and why you want it.
You see them complaining, you see them making faces and acting disturbed, but you also see yourself quietly getting up and closing the door behind you. Then you see them slowly getting used to the new routine, complaining less and less. You may even see yourself being loving and supportive. (It could happen). Many couples have separate alarms – it’s not that big a deal. Don’t let your desire to keep your family happy take precedence over making changes that could greatly impact your happiness overall.
Now you’ve thought it through. You want to do this. You’ve pictured yourself scheduling it during the day, but you know it won’t happen. There is never enough time after work, or in the evenings with all the demands on your time and your responsibilities. You’ve determined that getting up an hour earlier is your best choice.
You are going to do this, and it will disturb others in your family. They will need to adjust, yes, but this is important to you, and letting others wants and desires come first isn’t going to solve the problem. It could be your partner will decide to get up with you – after all, who couldn’t use some daily exercise? Or, they will learn to sleep through your alarm, and set theirs for a bit later. It will work. If necessary go get yourself a separate alarm clock, and start using it. They’ll adjust. This is important to you, follow-through.
Make it work by working around others, but don’t let them dictate whether you have the right to make a change. You do have a right. We all have to make sacrifices whether we’re saving for a vacation or trying to get into shape to run a marathon. Show your family by example how to set a goal, then take the daily steps, and achieve it. Your kids will learn and grow from your example. You can also explain how an unhappy parent makes for an unhappy family – in other words, if mommy isn’t happy, the whole family suffers. Say it with a smile and they’ll get the idea.
Scenario #2: You’ve decided you’re going to go to the gym and work out right after work. Your spousal unit complains about this too (they’re the same one who complained about the getting up earlier idea, so you’re trying something else.) Notice how no matter what you want to do, they’re going to complain? Why is that? It’s because they’ve come to know and love their current routine and they don’t want it changed. Even if it means a happier spouse, even if it means a healthier life, they just plain do not want change. No one wants change thrust on them.
This is why it can be difficult, but it’s certainly not impossible to overcome the influence your family and friends will try to assert when you want to make a change. Change affects everyone – keep that in mind, and then make your change anyway.
Plan, Implement Your Plan, Adjust as Necessary, and Plan Again
It’s a process – a road map. It’s not etched in stone. You may make a plan (getting up earlier for instance), try it for a couple of weeks and decide it isn’t working for you. Fine. Change the plan. Maybe you could work out early on Saturday and Sunday, plus one more day during the week. A lot of people are able to go the gym or go for a walk on their lunch hour.
Use EFT For Challenges Outside Influences Throw At You.
“Even though my husband doesn’t want me to get up earlier, I deeply and completely accept myself and him anyway.”
“Even though I don’t want to upset my family, I deeply and completely accept myself.”
“Even though no one is supporting me in my efforts to eat better, I deeply and completely accept myself.”
“Even though it seems that no matter what I try, someone complains, I deeply and completely accept myself.”
Working through the emotional issues that crop up when you try to make a change and come up against challenges, is easy with EFT.
