by OneMoreBite | May 18, 2004 | Gadgets
Goofy Weight Loss Gadgets
Have you ever thought of going to your dentist for diet advice? Now you can. Dentist are lining up to get in on the current wave of products suited to help people lose weight, and what better answer than the DDS System by Scientific Intake.
First, it’s not clear what “DDS System” actually means. I guess that’s not important. What is important, is you can only get this swell diet aid from your dentist! I can only imagine they’ve run out of things to do to teeth.
The DDS System device is nothing more than a $500 gadget you put in your mouth before you eat. That’s right, you put it in, and take it out. In other words, you completely control whether you use it at all, and its sole function? To make you take smaller bites. Ta da – that’s it.
How revolutionary! Take smaller bites! Why didn’t I think of that, but wait? Can’t I just do that all by myself? Do I really need to shell out $500 clams? What if I just bought a mouth guard like my son uses for football. That would do the trick too, or maybe a couple retainer rubber bands? Those seem to keep your mouth from opening all the way too.
I smell a big market for knockoff products. Next they’ll start selling doll-sized dinner plates and call them “The Doll Plate Diet.” I have actually seen a dinner plate that is painted with portions for your meat and potatoes, like that would work.
My husband thought putting rocks in your mouth would help, but I think that would make it tricky to swallow
— although maybe that was his point? One thing that I know works well is simply to have one side of your mouth out of commission like when you have a bad tooth – forget going to the dentist – now it’s a diet aid. You have to chew nice and slowly or suffer the consequences.
How about a mask – you put it on at 7:30 PM, and lock it shut. Then you can’t unlock it until 7:00 AM the next morning. No cheating allowed. I’ll bet you could nab one of those for $49.95 on eBay?
The slogan from the Scientific Intake website? “Eat Slower. Eat Less. It’s not only what you eat it’s how you eat.” Wow, mind bending. I’ll bet they stayed up all night to come up with that. As Dave Barry would say, “I am not making this up.”
They even have a testimonial from a happy weight loser Kelly, “I always knew that eating slower was supposed to be good for you, but I never understood why. But when I started using the DDS, I actually was able to enjoy my food. I ate what I wanted and I still was satisfied – but just ate less.”
Um, okay. And you couldn’t just take smaller bites all by yourself because … why?
by OneMoreBite | May 13, 2004 | Dumb Things
The AP Article, Company Introducing Low Carb Wines states that, “Cara Morrison, the Brown-Forman winemaker in California who developed the brands, said most consumers won’t notice any difference in taste.” That statement alone leaves a bad taste. No difference? Sure. Uh, huh. Right. Yeah, okay. Jeeze. Go ahead, you serve it to company, not me.
Wine lovers should laugh this offering right off the shelves.
Brown-Forman is said to have spent $1 million in development and plans another $5 million for advertising so basically they’re shelling out $6 million to hawk cheap, crappy wine just so they can grab a piece of the low carb pie. They should be forced to drink all the leftovers.
by OneMoreBite | May 10, 2004 | Just for Fun
In the movie, A Fish Called Wanda, one of the characters had a phrase he’d use whenever things would go horribly wrong, like when his key to the safety deposit box with all the loot broke in the lock.
You’d expect him to start breaking things, shooting or cursing but this fellow would say in a long-drawn out fashion, “Dis-a-point-ment.” It was hilarious because it demonstrated another way of reacting beyond the rage we’re used to seeing.
by OneMoreBite | May 7, 2004 | Weight Loss Tips
What’s an Shopper To Do?
Yesterday, I stopped at Zupans to see if they had my favorite shortbread cookies. If you don’t have Zupans nearby, they’re a great store, one of my favorites, but you need to win the lottery to shop there often. It’s expensive. Their deli is fabulous, but you know how most delis have those little white take home goldfish containers? This deli has clear plastic tubs in three sizes: Large, medium and miniscule. I’m not willing to pay $4.50 or more for a miniscule amount of salad or beans, so I take a pass. It’s a shame too, but I could buy the ingredients and make it myself for the price, and I’d need to buy three or four to make a meal. Fat chance.
So, I’m looking and looking and … they didn’t have my cookies! I’m agahst. I’m forced to check the bakery counter for alternatives – it’s actually one of my hobbies (I would have looked anyway). I love to look at pastries like some people peak at porn. It’s so temping, so delicous, but I’ve been burned before. Sometimes those ultra pretty foods taste like cardboard, and when you just spent $20 for a 6″ cake, that’s a disappointment you’re not likely to forget for a very long time.
So, to bring this rambling account to a close, I finally spied a teensy sample size package of Walkers Shortbread in the checkout aisle. Perfect. Just a taste, which is what I wanted anyway, so I bought one. Later at home I looked at the nutrition label, and guess what? This package, containing a whopping 1.4 oz. of two slim 1.5″ by 2″ cookies serves 2. Yup, you get one cookie each. Enjoy!
Ingredients: Wheat flour, butter (31% – cool), sugar, salt. My four favorite food groups! No wonder I love shortbread cookies.
My latest newsletter, Bits-n-Bites for People Who Chew was posted yesterday. Give me your thoughts. Post a comment.
I didn’t eat those cookies just yet. Sometimes I buy food just to keep it around. I’m also still thinking about that two servings nonsense. It puts me in rant mode, which I sort of like
by OneMoreBite | Apr 27, 2004 | Gadgets
Somehow I doubt the idea of making shopping more difficult is going to catch on, but that’s just me. They deserve an “A” for the effort at any rate.
Have you ever thought of going to your dentist for diet advice? Now you can. Dentist are lining up to get in on the current wave of products suited to help people lose weight, and what better answer than the DDS System by Scientific Intake.
