How Not to Make Sugar Free Rice Krispy Treats

by | Mar 13, 2005 | Food Reviews

I started my quest to make a sugar free Rice Krispy Treat months ago when I went in search of a sugar free Marshmallow Kreme. I first bought fat free Marshmallow Kreme and didn’t realize until driving home that I’d screwed up. There never was any fat in there — the label fooled me big time!

I finally made a trek across the city to get the Marshmallow flavoring. I could have ordered online, but hey, if I can buy locally and save the shipping, I’ll do it, even though it meant driving way out of my way and spending half the afternoon, not to mention buying a bunch of extra crap I didn’t intend, so all-in-all, saving the $2 shipping probably cost me about $30. Anyway, off I went to The Decorette Shop, a bakery supply shop located on Foster Rd. at 54th Street in Portland, Oregon. I could spend hours in stores like this, and that’s where my trouble began…

Walking in a book rack smack dab in the front doorway caught my eye, so I stopped to browse. I swear, they kept coming by and asking if they could help as if I was setting up a cot and planning to stay the night. I finally said, “You must not sell many books,” referring to their obvious discomfort that I was loitering, or whatever they thought was going on. Really, I was just a shopper, okay? I’m not buying a book without looking at it, it’s not a crime, at least not last I checked.

If you’re going to stock thousands of items don’t freak out when someone actually wants to stop and take a look, okay? Clerks? Are you hearing me? I hate being asked if I need help when I’m obviously doing just fine, thank you. Ask me when it’s obvious I need help. Look for those subtle clues customers give like looking frantically for a clerk, eyes darting here and there. That helpless, “I have no idea where what I want is located in your fine store” look; seeking, searching but not finding. That’s the look of a customer who needs help. Head in a book, contented expression means this person does not need help. In fact, asking if I need help is an interruption I don’t need.

I’m off track, back to the saga of the Sugar Free Rice Krispy Treats: I procured the Marshmallow Oil and eventually made my way home where I commenced the project of making Marshmallow Creme, then creating the world famous Rice Krispy Treats, hoping for such an incredible breakthrough in sugar free taste treats that I’d be famous and make millions of dollars. Uh, huh, sure.

What I got instead was a Snap, Crackle, Pop experience when I poured on the marshmallow glop, which I was pretty sure I shouldn’t be hearing. Next thing you know I have a soggy mass of Rice Krispy Not-such-a-treat, and I went ahead and put that in the pan because I’m nothing if not persistent.

It looked pathetically bad, so I added more Rice Krispies hoping to crisp it up a bit. It didn’t work. The wet krispies sogged up the dry krispies so now I had more wet krispy crap. If you closed your eyes it smelled okay, but if you mistakenly put some in your mouth you were in for a bad surprise. It had no crisp and I think that’s a critical component in the Rice Krispy Treat — hence the Krispy part of the name you see.

The Anti-Martha Stewart

After all this I realized I’d used about 35 pans and utensils so I got out the camera and displayed them all in a fine arrangement if I do say so myself, then took a shot, all so I could illustrate this wonderful yet sad little story ala Martha Stewart style. Hey, maybe I’m the anti-Martha Stewart? I always failed at No Fail Fudge. Seriously.

So, if you want to make the Sugar Free Rice Krispy Treats I’d suggest you don’t. I’d rate them less than zero if I could, on a scale of anything to zero. They sucked, badly. I’m not happy I drove all over town, spent about $35, then an hour making marshmallow and finally figured out it was a disaster, but hey, someone’s got to do it, right? Might as well be me, at least this time. Next time, how about you try something and let me know? That would be swell.

Does Eating Farmed Fish Cause Increased Appetite?

by | Mar 11, 2005 | Food Safety

This just in from the “Dumb and Dumber” files: Scientists have developed a chemical being fed to farm bred fish which, get this, causes them to be so hungry they will eat anything. Since regular fish feed is expensive, this is a way to save money because the fish will then eat anything at all. Typical science gone mad, but what happens when we eat the fish? Do we then get a dose of these chemicals? l don’t want an uncontrollable appetite, thanks anyway, Mr. Scientist.

There has long been a clear distinction that what animals eat, we eat. Certain plants that cows ate were found to cause illness in humans, so they moved the cows away from the plants drawing an obvious conclusion that what the cows eat, we eat. Why then do they continue to debate whether chemicals given to the cows, chickens and now fish we eat get into our bodies? It’s not rocket science people!

If you wonder why girls are developing breasts at 8-years old, look to the milk. Cows have been given growth hormones for decades, and now our little girls are maturing at an accelerated pace.

The amount of hormones, antibiotics and other chemicals given to animals in our food supply is appalling. Feed lot pens are sprayed with pesticide to keep away the flys, which filters into the noses, and onto the skin of the animals. It’s not safe to walk in your backyard after they spray pesticides, yet apparently the FDA believes it’s fine for us to eat cows and chickens that have lived bathed in a daily mist of those same chemicals?

And now they are going to introduce a chemical which enhances appetite to fish? Do these scientists all hold a degree from Cracker Jack?

Just say no to farm bred fish. You can also buy your meat from a local butcher who is likely obtaining his meat from a local farmer, most of whom do not use these practices. It is the large farms that use the worst feed and the worst processing conditions. Avoid that and you may just avoid a lot of the side effects from eating chemical laced foods. Think about it.

Monsanto GMO Seed Infecting all Seeds

by | Feb 28, 2005 | Food Safety

Monsanto successfully sued a farmer for patent infringement on the basis that pollen from their genetically modified seed drifted into his field, pollenating his crop, so later when the farmer harvested and sold seed from that crop he knowingly benefited from Monsanto’s patent. Nice job, Monsanto! Way to go! Contaminate this farmer’s crop with your freaky seed and now you sue him? He should have sued Monsanto for contamination instead.

As it was, Monsanto won judgment against the farmer. This is wrong on so many levels it just baffles me. A better solution would be to require all modified seed to be quarantined so no natural wind drift would not occur. In other words, contain the devil seed in huge tents if you must, but keep it contained.

The court’s decision in draft form: Monsanto v. Schmesier.

I don’t want Monsanto in my vegetable garden but soon there may be no choice as the AP reported in Jan. 2005, Monsanto plans to purchase Seminis, a major seed supplier:

ST. LOUIS (AP) — Agricultural biotechnology giant Monsanto Co. said Monday it will buy vegetable and fruit seed company Seminis Inc. for roughly $1 billion in cash, broadening its portfolio of seeds and tapping into the trend of healthier diets. Monsanto said it will assume an additional $400 million in debt by Seminis, the Oxnard, Calif.-based supplier of more than 3,500 seed varieties to commercial fruit and vegetable growers, dealers, distributors and wholesalers in more than 150 countries.

Source and more discussion: http://www.gardenweb.com

Better Ballet Butt by Bubbles

by | Feb 21, 2005 | Diet Products

Frankly, it’s their retro girl imagery that gets me. I always liked the Varga girl look, I admit it.Better Butt Retro Girl that gets me. I always liked the Varga girl look, I admit it.Here’s what’s cooking: You’ve done lunges until you think you’ll die of a heart attack, yet still your rear stays flat as a pancake? What’s a girl to do? Bubbles Butt Boosting Lingerie to the rescue!

Bubbles are simply stockings with an elastic band that lifts that asset, where it belongs; up, high, in the sky. It’s a bird, it’s a plane, no it’s an as*s! And isn’t it lovely? You’ll have them following you down the street when you wear your Bubbles.

The downside (there’s always a downside) is you need to be fairly slim (the largest size fits a 21 inch thigh) to wear Bubbles lest your backside may become somewhat lumpy, bumpy and otherwise frumpy, so if you need assistance in that regard, get The Daily Bites Free Weight Loss Tips for instruction and hints on using EFT and NLP for weight loss.

Chocolate Babies – Classic Candy

by | Feb 18, 2005 | Just for Fun

I came across this supposedly classic candy selection from the 1950s, Chocolate Babies. I must have been living under a rock because I’ve never seen this particular item and I have spent more hours than I can count in the pursuit of all things candy.

Chocolate BabiesIs this politically correct? Would you serve this to your friends and family? I found them at Hometown Favorites, Candy Store which is a great place for finding those “hard to find” items like Hershey’s Raspberry flavored baking chips. To save you steps, here’s a link to the page where I found chocolate babies.

While there, don’t miss the Hard to Find Grocer, which is what led me there in the first place.