Why do we save our best behaviors for strangers and unleash our worst on our loved ones? That’s been true in my life, and I suspect it is in yours as well. During the upcoming holiday season we have numerous occasions for parties and family dinners which means more trips to the crowded grocery stores, or the worst of all: the mall!
Cooking in Advance, Buying Candy in Advance, All Fraught with Peril
Trying to “plan ahead” so you can avoid some of the rush is nearly impossible, unless you’re smarter than I. Thinking I’d make about three major dishes for Christmas Eve dinner it finally dawned on me last night that Christmas Eve this year is Wednesday. I’m going to have to bake on Tuesday, stick it in the refrigerator and avoid it until Wednesday evening. This is not my favorite thing to do, no not at all.
I’ve always had a difficult time in making a cake a day ahead. (Whenever you catch yourself saying the word “always” that’s a hint something to use EFT on is coming to mind). I want to eat the cake as soon as it’s finished, so if it must wait for a day, it’s torture. I also like to make those huge three and four layer cakes so it takes up the entire refrigerator causing me to see it and nothing else every time I open the door.
Practicing Patience with Yourself and Others
Patience can be practiced all day, every day. It is necessary when dealing with strangers, family, and most of all yourself. If you’ve grown accustom to accommodating yourself and giving in to your immediate urges because you don’t want to be deprived, then learning to exercise some patience may be of use.
If I bake a lovely cake and see it in the refrigerator, it beckons to me. Knowing I cannot take a slice without ruining the presentation doesn’t seem to help me avoid the siren call. I could be sitting, minding my own business, when I suddenly snap my head upright, as if I’ve heard a ghost, “Come and get a piece of cake,” it calls to me. “I’m waiting,” it cries. Stupid cake.
Rather than trying to analyze why I have this strange desire for cake, or why I have such a difficult time in this situation, I’m going to tackle it head-on with some EFT. I may also use the Swish Technique (taught in the Ending Emotional Eating workshop, Session 4).
If you’ve struggled with similar issues, try these suggested EFT phrases, or devise some for your situation.
EFT for Patience
While continuously tapping the P.R. (Psychological Reversal) point* say, “Even though I want to eat the cake, except I’m not supposed to, I deeply and completely accept myself.”
Repeat three times, tapping the entire time, and say it like you mean it. Then tap the rest of the points, using a reminder statement, such as “eat cake.”
“Even though I can’t stand waiting, I choose to give myself permission to wait.”
Reminder: “Can’t wait.”
“Even though I hate doing what I’m supposed to, I deeply and completely accept myself anyway.”
Reminder: “Hate being told what to do.”
“Even though I can’t seem to deny myself what I want, I deeply and completely love and accept myself and give myself permission to wait.”
Reminder: “Can’t deny.”
Practice this on some food or beverage that seems to call to you, and see whether it helps ease that pull. If you are reluctant because you are afraid you’ll lose the desire completely (and this is a favorite thing, after all), be aware that’s unlikely to happen. Most discover they still would enjoy the food, but they no longer feel compelled to have it, and that is what is being addressed. The desire, or compulsion to have something that seems beyond a rational desire.
Smile today at every person you see, and practice patience. Think of an inside joke, remember a happy moment, or a funny movie you saw. Put a happy memory in your head and carry it around with you, then whenever you see someone just smile to yourself. Even in the crowded stores, people will treat you better when you put a happy bubble around yourself, and you’ll lift their spirits as well.
* Psychological Reversal Point (PR)